Well, she is alive, and will apparently be auditioning for some type of hygenic swim team soon.

No, not Australia; Lasik surgery.

 In about 40 minutes this girl will be able to tell me what time it is when I get home really late and she is already sleeping.

Prep the mind with the quarterly publication Valparaiso Quarterly. A must read for valparisians.

Prep the eyes with iodine. Also a must.
 
I would likely vomit right as they told me to stay still during this surgery. Just the thought of them cutting my eye -- how did they come up with nonsense?